Richest 1% stop Oxfam complaining by buying them

The world’s richest 1% have completed a deal which sees them take full ownership of Oxfam in a bid to stop them complaining about inequality.

The move comes after the charity released a study that claims very soon the richest 1% would have 50% of the world’s wealth.

A lawyer speaking on behalf of Oxfam’s new owners said: “The previous owners of this charity have long been complaining about inequality and how capitalism was making things worse, so we bought them.

“To be honest, we already had an interest in the business with all the quality stock we provide them for their shops. Some people try and give their old tat away, but it’s so shapeless and tawdry they tend to take it straight out the back and burn it, whereas we provide quality stuff that allows the poor to wear labels”

There has been outcry over the move, but the takeover group has promised executive salaries in the charity will remain eye-wateringly hypocritical.

“Nothing will change with the way the charity is run, but hopefully they we just stop making us look bad by going on about inequality,” the lawyer said.

“It’s not our fault we successfully inherited the GDP of a medium-sized country.

“Anyway, there is no guarantee using capitalism to pump money into the charity and make them rich will stop them banging on about how unfair it is. Look at Russell Brand.”