Defiant Julien Blanc runs masturbation seminars

After being hounded out of numerous countries for promoting pick-up seminars that advocated using violence and control against women, Julien Blanc has rebranded himself as a masturbation guru.

“Now that women won’t touch my bargepole with a bargepole, I’ve had to rethink my approach” said Blanc. “That’s when I thought I’d use all my usual pick-up techniques to seduce my hand.”

“It wasn’t easy – my hand thinks I’m an opportunist sleazy low-life, just like everyone else does. But by using tricks that anyone can use, I eventually overcame my hand’s resistance.”

Blanc was cagey about his exact methods, ‘you’ll have to come to come to my seminars to see them’, but a promotional video on YouTube shows Blanc belittling his hand saying ‘your fingers are fat’, ‘your palm smells sweaty’, and ‘you will never find another man’, before lowering himself down on his still clearly reluctant hand.

#takedownjulienblanc campaigners reacted to the news by starting a #helpjulienblancshand campaign, but they quickly changed this to the less easy to misinterpret #cutoffjulienblancsdick.