Fifa clears itself of corruption by releasing corrupt report

Blatter announces which bid won the 2022 World Cup

Blatter announces which bid won the 2022 World Cup

Fifa have hit back at allegations that the bid for the Qatar World Cup may have been corrupt by releasing a report into the matter, which may be corrupt.

The report, which cleared Fifa, Russia, Qatar and anyone else with oil of any wrong doing, has since been criticised by the man who did the investigation.

The initial allegations came after Fifa voted to give a summer sporting event that gives people the chance to watch a game and have a beer in an environment that Fifa promotes as tolerant to all people, to a country that is like an oven in the summer, forbids alcohol, and gets a bit ‘stoney’ towards homosexuals and women. 

Fifa president, Sepp Blatter defended the report. “It was clear that we had put everyone’s minds at rest and show there was no underhand tactics used in this bidding process. What better way than to write a report that ignores all the evidence given to the author and gives us all, except the English, a clean bill of health?

“I admit that blaming the English FA for damaging the image of the FA is like blaming wafted bedcovers for a smelly fart – they both just highlight the issue but are not really the cause – but we had to have a little fun. That was my idea.”

Some have said that the credibility of Fifa is in huge doubt, leading to Mr Blatter to say he would now be launching an investigation into the corruption surrounding the report into the corruption surrounding the Qatar bid.

He then took a moment to reassure the sceptics. “I know some people will have had their faith in us dented, and that’s why we will hire a wholly independent and neutral investigator to ignore.”

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