Muslims in Harold and Dunstable are feeling the cold having been ordered by the local council to forgo clothes and instead wear giant poppies.
“It’s time we knew whose side they’re on,” said Councillor Ron Ronsson. “Muslims wearing poppies, and only poppies, is no more than the brave men and women of Her Majesty’s armed forces deserve. Anyone refusing to comply is letting Isis win.”
Meya Begum, Harold’s only niqabi, is dismayed by the council’s edict.
“I thought patriotism meant being proud to be British,” she said. “You know, Doctor Who, chicken bhuna and Andy Murray during that fortnight we all pretend to give a toss about tennis. Making British Muslims like me wear giant poppies is about division and automatically being suspicious of a specific group of people. And that’s only correct when you’re talking about male BBC presenters from the 1970s.”
However Ron Ronsson denies that the giant poppy scheme is divisive.
“This isn’t about discrimination,” he said. “It’s about uniting against Isis. All of us together. It’s just than some of us have to prove they’re us harder than the rest of us and when something happens that we as an us don’t like then that section of us automatically becomes Them. It’s that simple.”
Harold and Dunstable Muslims are required to wear only poppies from today until November 11th. Rumours that the poppies will then be replaced with massive Santa hats for ‘security reasons’ are as yet unconfirmed.
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