Dr Who’s return unable to prevent rise in terrorist threat level

Despite his return last Saturday, Dr Who has been unable to prevent the terror level in the UK rising from ‘substantial’ to ‘severe’.

Home Secretary Theresa May said: “Early indications show the decision to replace the previous Dr with an older model for his latest attempts to save the world hasn’t dampened al-Qaeda’s willingness to harm the UK.

“They have also cottoned on to the fact that as modern day terrorists, they are low down on the time lord’s watch list behind statues, Daleks, Cybermen, and killer droids.”

The ‘severe’ threat level is the fourth highest of five. Any further risk may see the risk rise to an unprecedented ‘quick, to the Tardis, it’s first come first served’ level.

The new rating means that an attack from human-based baddies is ‘highly likely’, but a spokeswoman for the Dr said that is not really ‘his thing’.

“Dr Who, no matter which incarnation, has never really been into local earth terrorists instead preferring to deal with the more space, time and sci-fi type,” Clara Oswald explained.

“Some people think this is a little selfish seeing as religious fundamentalists are this country’s biggest threat. But you’d choose the same if your travelling options are between the Tardis to a far away planet or parallel universe or an Easyjet flight to Baghdad.”