Local scientist finally develops technology to glue two cats together


The breakthrough could one day answer the question: ‘why do cats have a back?’

A Harold scientist has been hailed a hero after developing an adhesive that can bond two cats together.

After years of experimenting with dozens of tacky tabbies, Rachel Guest finally made the breakthrough that enabled two felines to be combined into one octo-puss.

Guest explained why the glue had been so difficult to create. “There’s the fur to contend with, and obviously given their claws and teeth,  it’s useful if it’s quick drying”, she explained. “And it needs to be resistant to shear forces, so they don’t come apart when they run through a cat flap.”
Guest presented her creation to a crowd of awe-struck journalists, and showed us a diagram that explained which cat was which. Despite the maths involved many present claimed that they understood, and recognised what an important step into the future this was.

As always, animal experiments raise a lot of moral and philosophical questions. As one hack from Dunstable put it, “What would happen if you dropped it out of the window?”

“That’s a good question”, lied Guest. “My colleague John Goody believes that because cats always land on their feet, this new creature will spin in the air indefinitely. He thinks it could slow time, or open up a worm hole. But is he a moron? Come on, let’s find out.”

And with that, Guest took the pet cage over to the balcony and shook it until the omnicat agreed to take part in her experiment.

The results were fascinating. The Evening Harold can exclusively reveal to our science fans that the cat that landed on its feet was the bottom one.

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