More would believe Rebekah Brooks to be innocent if she had less annoying hair

Apparently the exact shade is called mendacity

Though declared not guilty on all counts by a jury many people are struggling to believe Rebekah Brook’s innocence. The reason given in every case is the same: her hair.

“I don’t like to judge by appearance,” said villager and head of Harold’s Neighbourhood Watch Janice Logan. ‘However there’s something about that woman’s hair that just rubs me up the wrong way. I’ve seen Brave, the girl in that had the same hair and she was a most violent and deceitful person.”

Other villagers have a historical perspective on their inability to believe that Rebekah Brooks had nothing to do with conspiracy to hack voicemails.

“It’s the style I think,” cafe owner Pippa Delaney told us. “She looks like a ginger Charles II. I take one look and worry that the plague is about to return and that London will burn to the ground. This is not trustworthy hair.”

Rebekah Brooks’ legal defence cost Rupert Murdoch a reported £95 million. Our lawyer pointed out that she is ‘completely and very innocent indeed’ while sweating profusely. He also pointed out that she hadn’t repeatedly attempted to kill Bart Simpson.