Cameron nanny nude photo scandal – widespread panic pics of Fat Dave will follow

After nude pictures of David Cameron’s nanny were uploaded to a porn site, fears are growing naked photos of the PM will soon follow. Amid widespread panic, people are taking drastic steps to protect themselves with many gouging their own eyes out rather than risk seeing Fat Dave in the buff.

Internet security experts say the fears are justified and naked Cameron pics made Trojan viruses seem benign, with MacAfee spokesman John Field saying, “One glimpse of Cameron in the flesh could have a life-long effect on a viewer’s ability to feel empathy, form relationships, and have a normal sex life. In other words, they could become a Tory.”

“No amount of anti-virus software will help people then – you can’t just reboot your memory.”

Bevan Jones of Dunstable agrees. “The risk that I will stumble across nude pics of Cameron has made me think twice about visiting porn sites” said the keen masturbator. “I’m pretty open-minded but naked shots of Fat Dave are way too niche even for me. – I’ve cut my broadband cable, just to be safe.”

Harold pensioner Elsie Duggan said although she wasn’t entirely sure what the internet was, she knew what it was like to be f***ed by the Tories and so had no regrets about gouging her own eyes out. Even the risk of someone describing a naked Cameron meant she was considering cutting off her ears.

Perhaps the most extreme reaction was a woman who fled to internet-free North Korea to avoid the nude Cameron menace. The Evening Harold tried to interview her as she was boarding her plane but Samantha from Downing Street was too traumatised to comment.