13 year-old convinces class mates he’s a real computer

Unusually for a super computer, AD-1 runs on biscuits and crisps.

A 13 year-old from Harold has passed the Turing Test, convincing a number of his ‘friends’ that he’s really a computer.

Adrian Evans, or AD-1 has he prefers to be known, has worked tirelessly to adopt traits that only a computer would exhibit.

“BZZT”, said Evans. “IT IS THE LITTLE THINGS THAT…BZZT…CAN GIVE YOU AWAY”. Before adding, “THIS WOMAN’S SKIN LOOKS 10 YEARS YOUNGER, DOCTORS HATE HER.”

Evans’ attention to detail is truly astounding. He refuses to speak to anyone in areas that don’t have a wifi signal, and always leaves a small printed circuit board in the bowl after using the toilet.

“WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO PROCESS SOME MATHS?”, he demanded when we interviewed him. “What’s the square root of 12,860 divided by e?” we asked. “BZZT. ERROR. 403 FORBIDDEN. THIS MAN TRIED TO MAKE ME LOOK AT A PORN.”

Evans finally convinced his class mates that he was a real computer after corrupting a memory stick and making a smell like burning dust. “TRY THIS ONE WEIRD OLD TRICK TO LOSE BELLY FAT”, confirmed the boy.

“We were worried he might have a virus, so we sent him to see the school nurse”, said his form teacher. “But she doesn’t do IT, so she dropped him off at PC World.”

Evans’ father was later arrested by Yewtree police, after the repairman tore off a piece of foil which had ‘hard drive’ written on it.  “It wasn’t very well encrypted”, said the technician, “in fact it was obvious to an expert such as myself that this device contained a small, naked, pink boy.”