Chinese troops out in force for 25th anniversary of ‘nothing happening, honest’


Genuine photo. Honest.

Chinese officials today confirmed that the massive numbers of troops moving into position around Beijing’s Tiananmen Square were there to guard against commemoration of the day in 1989 when “nothing much happened at all.”

Allegations of any kind of ruthless bloody massacre in the Square have always been furiously denied by China’s rulers, with their counter-arguments so persuasive that few if any locals have ever made the claims twice.

“Twenty-five years ago today was a day just like any other,’ explained the Chinese Foreign Minister.  “When nothing happened, nothing at all. We’re marking the occasion with a massive display of force, but I wouldn’t read anything into that. Not if I were you.”

When asked why the date was significant enough to merit deployment of thousands of heavily-armed troops, the Minister thought for a while before answering, and seemed to consult Wikipedia briefly.

“We expect there to be many citizens wishing to commemorate the 25th anniversary of the famous 62nd American National Spelling Bee, when Scott Isaacs won spelling ‘spoliator’, actually,” he revealed, before going on to mention that this week in 1989 was also of course the premiere of Dead Poets Society starring Robin Williams.

“If that doesn’t bring crowds out on the streets, nothing will,” he confirmed. “And nothing did. Nothing at all.”

Many people who were in the area in 1989 were expected to observe the anniversary by staying at home and doing nothing special, much as they did 25 years ago.  They will not joined by several hundred others who were around at the time but have strangely not been seen since and are presumed to be “on holiday or something”.

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