Police seek the notorious ‘Uncle’ after spate of nose thefts


Look who’s playing Voldemort in the school panto!

Police in the village of Harold are today hunting a shadowy underworld figure known only as ‘the Uncle’ after an epidemic of nose-stealing left scores of local children nasally-bereft.

“The victims came to us with very similar stories,” said PC Anita Flegg. “Each one had their nose removed in broad daylight by a figure who they referred to as ‘the Uncle’. “

“The criminal’s modus operandi seems never to change – in each case, the nose is stolen between the culprit’s index and middle finger, a truly shocking, if mildly amusing crime.”

Police advice any child approached by ‘the Uncle’ to feign interest without encouragement or making direct eye contact, even if complimented on how much they have grown since the last meeting.

PC Flegg has admitted that progress in the investigation has been slow, with her work hampered by the fact that a relative recently took her nose.

The only suspect arrested so far was able to prove his innocence by demonstrating that his thumb actually came apart in the middle, this disability making it impossible for him to commit any such felony.

The suspect could however face bribery charges, after producing a shiny penny from PC Flegg’s ear and announcing “Oh, how did that get there?”

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