UK set to lose ‘most hated Eurovision country’ title to Russia

After over a decade of dominance in one area of the Eurovision song contest, the United Kingdom looks set to lose its ‘most hated Eurovision country’ title to Russia.

The accolade – which is often associated with the coverted ‘nil points’ – is traditionally awarded to the country the rest of Europe decides has the most trigger happy leader.

Following the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq the UK has been guaranteed the title every year since, but with no troops left in Iraq and withdrawal imminent from Camp Bastion Europe has begun looking elsewhere for its pantomime warmonger.

“We commend the UK for its long run, and appreciate your late bid to retain the title with service men posing with dead fighters,” said a spokesman for the European Broadcasting Union, “but the rest of Europe is struggling to take you seriously anymore.

“You haven’t invaded a country for years despite having the chance in Syria, you have aircraft carriers with no planes, and you entertain us by sending your Farage man to the European Parliament. Even Lichtenstein are considering giving sympathy points, and we don’t even know if they actually exist.

“But Russia, well they’re going for the ‘most hated’ title with all guns blazing, and soon tanks and fighter planes too. They didn’t just invade a country, they annexed it. Putin is making Blair look like a pussy cat.”

With the prospect of relative success in the song contest this year, UK citizens are having to re-evaluate their view of the competition.

“It will be hard, but this year we will try not to laugh at the rubbish lyrics, silly costumes and over excited presenters with bad jokes,” BBC’s Tony Hall said.

“However not everything will change. Except for Ukip party political broadcast, this is the only time we are allowed to be casually racist.”