Oculus Rift: Gamers looking forward to Virtual World with no Facebook in it

“I’m not wearing any makeup!”

Computer gaming enthusiasts have spoken of their excitement that the new Virtual Reality headset ‘Oculus Rift’ could bring an enhanced virtual world where life is better than reality, largely because it could be a world where Facebook never existed.

“Just imagine it,” purred Call of Duty champion Darren Wheatley. “A world of infinite scope, where physical boundaries mean nothing and the impossible is everyday. And there are no sodding Candy Crush invites.”

Virtual Reality has been the elusive holy grail of human/machine interface design since the very first computers, when scientists were only dimly aware that there would one day be an endless dirge of witless memes and boring ex-colleagues to escape from.

“I’ve tried it, and it’s a life-changer,” insisted Elder Scrolls expert Mark Rogers. “It’s a cliche, but you’re really there. And you know what’s not there? Effing Facebook.”

One factor which may however be a slight cloud on the horizon is the fact that the company behind Oculus Rift has actually just been bought by Facebook, which introduces the slight possibility that everything will quickly get bollocksed up beyond belief.

Facebook chief Mark Zuckerberg was characteristically upbeat about the purchase, dismissing concerns that his giant slimy octopus of a company is certain to drag all hopes and dreams into its slathering maw. Speaking to journalists this morning, he insisted:

“It’s going to be special. We have the finance to back this, and we really can make it work. A whole new world of online interaction will open up, this could be the start of a new universe of interpersonal engagement.”

“And in this new universe, there won’t be any fucking Facebook, how awesome is that? Sorry?”