Who wouldn’t want this hair? Oh, everyone. Okay then.
Following in the rumoured to be freakishly small and girl-like footsteps of Kim Jong-un, Mayor of London and Womble-that’s-let-itself-go made flesh Boris Johnson has issued a proclamation stating that all men in the capital must henceforth have the same haircut as him.
Previously Johnson had allowed ten different men’s hairstyles to be sported on London’s streets, now he has ordered men to “trim their hair according to the elitist lifestyle” meaning they will all be forced to have a Boris, or, as it is known in the trade, a senile retriever.
Initially people took to social media in their tens of thousands to complain however calm was restored following a another proclamation declaring “any man caught with a Hoxton fin or hipster quiff and pencil-moustache combo will be arrested, shaved, and sent to a camp for re-education.”
Johnson then received a further boost in popularity when he announced that after the general election in 2015 he would have David Cameron executed and fed to a pack of wild dogs.
Beat me to it 😀