Andy Murray ditches coach Ivan Lendl for not being miserable enough


Ivan Lendl: the absolute personification of jolliness

Andy Murray has split with Ivan Lendl the coach under whose guidance he won both Wimbledon and Olympic gold saying that Lendl simply wasn’t “miserable enough”.

“I just can’t handle it anymore,” Murray told reporters. “Twice already this year Ivan’s smiled during a coaching session and, though he denies it, I swear I once heard him chuckle when he was talking to his wife on the phone.”

While it is not uncommon for top tennis players to work with several coaches over the course of their careers Murray is the first to have split from one on the grounds that said coach possess excessive joie de vivre.

“Tennis is serious. End of,” Murray stated. “I don’t enjoy it and I don’t see why anyone else should either.”

An advert believed to be by Murray has appeared on the noticeboard of the locker rooms at Wimbledon saying “Coach wanted. Must love ice baths, Scotland, and not telling jokes.”

Alex Salmond is rumoured to be interested if the vacancy is still open later in the year as he will almost certainly be looking for a new job after September 18th.

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