Man blames ‘faulty’ service station flowers for Valentine’s Day sex failure

A 57 year old Harold man has gone to social media to highlight how his Valentine’s Day was ruined because of faulty flowers and chocolates purchased from the local Shell Station.

Local councillor Ron Ronsson says the flowers and chocolates seemed ok when he purchased them on the way home from the pub at 11pm on Valentine’s Day. But they deteriorated so badly on the 15 minute walk home that by the time he handed them to his wife, she threw them straight back in his face.

“Those multi-national service stations have a lot to answer with their £5 flowers and chocolate special” said Ronsson speaking from his spare bedroom. “They entice people in with their sharp pricing, but their product is just as useless as the poem I cut and paste from the internet last year. You make the effort to be romantic, and you get let down by the service station. It was a real kick in the guts – which was fortunate as I think she was aiming lower down.”

Ronsson pointed out on Facebook that not all businesses sold faulty Valentine’s Day products, and the Tesco Express £6 wine and teddy bear combo he gave Jenny from accounts earlier in the day worked very well.

Ronsson’s Facebook campaign has rapidly gained momentum, with other Squirrel Licker Arms regulars voicing similar frustrations.

“The service stations shouldn’t sell Valentine’s Day products if they go off by 11pm – you’d think buying a bag of charcoal was safe with its 10,000 year shelf life but even it didn’t seem to last the journey home” commented Noel Clarke, with 23 others endorsing it with a ‘like’.”

The Facebook consensus was that it was not worth the bother making the effort of detouring to the service station and spending £5, especially when you could just stay at the Squirrel Lickers enjoying Eddie’s 2 for 1 Valentine’s drinks special.

“You just can’t win – you shell out the dosh and get nothing and then find out skinflints like Dominic Delaney just gave his wife a homemade card first thing and hasn’t left the house since” said Ronsson. “Maybe the service stations should take notice and just stock Delaney’s homemade cards next Valentine’s.”