Husband asks wife whether gift of Christmas sex comes with exchange card

The marriage of prominent Harold café owners Dominic and Pippa Delaney is under strain after Mr Delaney responded to his wife’s offered gift of Christmas sex by asking whether it came with an exchange card.

Speaking from his bed in Dunstable Hospital, Mr Delaney said his wife had given him Christmas sex the last 5 years in a row, and his wife seemed initially unfazed when he mentioned the exchange card.

“It was only when I mentioned I wanted to switch to her sister that she got angry. She then returned the frying pan I had bought her directly to my forehead, which was a bit silly as the shop is unlikely to accept it back all covered in blood.”

This is not the first time the Delaney marriage has suffered a wobble. Three years ago Mr Delaney spent three weeks on the couch after an incautious reply to Mrs Delaney’s ‘does my bum look big in this’ question. And last year he put his wife’s age down as ‘40’ on an insurance form when she was in fact 39 years and 363 days old.

Mr Delaney said he has learnt his lesson and he will be more diplomatic if he gets a gift of Christmas sex next year.

“I don’t want another confrontation – I’ll discreetly put it on Ebay with a £1 reserve.”