All back to mine. Door-to-door sales people forced by law to give out home addresses

Learn some respect, young man: Hattie was an SOE agent. In ten seconds that folder is going somewhere exceptionally violent and unexpected.

Harold council’s new law which forces door-to-door salespeople to give their private addresses out to each person they call on has been met with near unanimous approval.

“It’s great,” enthused mechanic Sean Pavey. “Now whenever I get disturbed by one of these fake-grin wearing predators I take their address and wait. I find knocking on their doors around sevenish gives me a good chance of disturbing them eating or just starting to relax after a long day.”

“After I’ve been hassled by some pushy git trying to get me to take out a direct debit or sign up to Sky I like to ask for their address and then go their house and ask them intrusive questions about their viewing habits and internet use,” said teaching assistant Carly Jeffery. “The new law is good but I think it could go further. What I’d really like is for the door-to-door seller to have to give me the address of any vulnerable or elderly people they care about then I could go and scare the crap out of them just like they do to the family and friends of all of us.”

Unsurprisingly one person who finds the new law unfair is doorstep cold caller Ash Pauley. “I hate it,” he told us. “The other night some woman knocked on my door and started talking to me about fascias even though it was obvious she didn’t know what they are because she was pointing to the flower bed. I gestured to the new sign I’ve had to put up saying ‘no salespeople’ and she said replied all smug like ‘but I’m not a salesperson, I’m here to save you money’ then laughed in my face.”

Harold’s Mayor Rufus D. Jackson said he was delighted by the success and popularity of the new law and promised that he and his council would work hard to pass other laws to improve villagers quality of life.

“As soon as we’ve got the stocks out of storage and back in place on the village green,” he said, “we’re going to be debating what to do about people who won’t control their dogs.”