A wheelie bin from Harold has gone in search of his dreams, aiming for a key role in the next Star Wars film.
Fed up with being filled with fish heads, tin cans and used nappies, the star-struck receptacle thinks this could be his break.
“I’ve got plenty of life left in my tyres and there’s enough room inside me for a midget”, the general waste unit told us. “This could be my chance to go from ‘has been’ to ‘was bin’.”
Making the long trip to the Bristol auditions was a logistical nightmare, as the bin is normally only allowed on the pavement every other Tuesday.
“I was given three yellow cards by the council on my way down , and I got lost on the M5”, said the bin. “Then I was in a bit of rush, so I just hope I didn’t set off any of the speed cameras.”
The bin has been a Star Wars fan ever since his owners threw away a Jar Jar Binks doll. “I took one look and thought ‘if that can make the cut, then why not me? Pretty soon I was making whooshing noises with an old fluorescent tube and imagining the waste collectors were Jawas. I’ve lost count of the number of times they’ve tried to chuck me in their ‘Sandcrawler’.”
Acquaintances of ‘Old Bin 1’ gathered outside the car park at the back of the Squirrel Lickers Arms, full of anticipation, expectation and hedge clippings. “I’m confident he’ll get through, he’s more realistic than that old R2 unit”, a glass recycling unit revealed. “That stumpy little bugger would be full round here by the weekend.”
Industry insiders are equally confident. “He’s definitely in with a shout, especially since JJ Abrams took over writing the screen play”, said Mark Kermode. “He’s going to need somewhere to put all George Lucas’s old sh*t.”