‘A major breakthrough’, but only if you push too hard.
Hot on the heels of the discovery of a new bit of knee, a doctor in Harold has spotted another part of the human body no-one has bothered to notice before.
Dr Evans, a GP used to rooting about in the sweaty bits, claims to have found a ‘second belly button’ somewhere near the first.
“I was examining a patient with my finger, although Mrs Delaney would prefer it if you didn’t name her”, explained Dr Evans, “when I noticed a sort of ‘inverse nose’ in an area just off to one side of her belly.”
Dr Evans’ extensive training meant he instinctively knew this to be a navel, but he was surprised that it was relatively fluff-free.
“This called for further delving, and fortunately I’d recently trimmed my nails”, he revealed. “And that’s when I noticed that it got bigger if I pushed hard.”
Following a few simple tests the medical professional now believes that the second navel can evolve at will, to engulf a range of items from a small golf ball to a reasonably sized scotch egg.
“It’s hard to say what ‘Evans Pocket’ is for, but it’s not present on all my patients”, said the GP. “On the whole, it’s mainly fitted to the fat ones.”
The discovery of a second belly button has caused a great deal of concern to residents who lack one, and many are now demanding one under the NHS.
“I’ve been feeling a bit listless lately, and I’ve struggled to sleep during the day”, complained teenager Kevin Ronsson. “My mum says it’s hormones, but I reckon I’m suffering from an umbilicate deficiency.”
A charity has been set up so that the public can pledge to donate spare navels if they die. Evans urged people to talk to their families about how they’d like their tummy dimples to be dealt with, if the worst should happen.
“With your help, you could let someone go on to live a relatively normal life”, he insisted. “Or at least give them somewhere to keep a second boiled sweet, a cocktail sausage or a Lego man.”
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