Shock as Kate admits faking pregnancy to cover weight gain

Kate models her pillow

Kate models her pillow

The world is in shock as the Duchess of Cambridge admitted faking her pregnancy as a cover for weight gained from eating a couple of cream cakes too many nine months ago. The admission came shortly after a major betting plunge on the sex of the royal baby, with “pillow” replacing “girl” as hot favourite.

A tearful Kate said that the constant media pressure about producing an heir had got too much for her, and when journalists quizzed her about being pregnant after she had put on a couple of pounds, she thought it was simplest to just agree.

“Once I was ‘pregnant’, I could at last lead a normal life” said Kate. “I could eat what I liked without worrying about the weight, and I could binge drink to my heart’s content and the vomiting could be explained away as morning sickness – I was living the dream.”

Kate added that during the course of her nine month fake pregnancy, she had met a number of actually pregnant women and she soon realised that having a baby that way wasn’t her cup of tea at all. Kate reassured the world that she would still produce an heir as she had agreed to adopt the Beckham’s youngest child Harper Seven.

“It was the perfect solution as Posh wanted a bit of extra time on her hands and, well, a Beckham child is as close to royalty as you can get” said Kate.

When asked to comment on the surprising turn of events, the Queen said she was relieved that the wait was over so she could finally start her summer holidays, and she thought ‘Harper Seven’ was a much nicer name than, say, ‘Diana’.

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