Royal baby update – St Mary’s Hospital paint nearly dry

Reporters staking out St Mary’s Hospital, where Princess Kate is soon to give birth, say that the sprucing up of the hospital has been a success and the paint has almost finished drying.

Evening Harold reporter Gavin Smith said after two days camped outside St Mary’s, the general feeling amongst the assembled press was that waiting for the Royal baby was like watching paint dry. But that was until they noticed some paint actually drying.

“We noticed that the wing where Kate will be had been freshly repainted. It was initially quite a dark colour when wet, and got paler and paler with each passing hour. A couple of times some pigeons flew up to the wall and we held our breath as premature roosting could have caused the still not dry paint to smudge. Then someone who was either a member of the secret service or a really ugly nurse opened the window and shooed the birds away and it was crisis averted.”

When asked whether there was any news of the Royal baby, Smith said “what?” before speculating whether the paint was gloss or whether its sheen was just a function of the unusually bright sunlight.