Fans delighted to be part of JK Rowling’s ‘secret’ bar tab


Rowling ‘inspired’ by legendary top shelf.

Regulars at a local pub have insisted they have ‘nothing but praise’ for a secret bar tab set up by author JK Rowling. The tab, which runs to some 20 or so pages, reveals a lot about what the woman puts into herself and what she left behind noisily by the bins.

Eddie, landlord at the Squirrel Licker’s Arms, is normally reluctant to offer credit. But with only one good eye and a foul murky fug obscuring the Snug, he’d assumed the stranger sat in front of him was Helen Mirren.

“Even the Salvation Army woman in Harold is a borderline alcoholic, so I’m used to watching people putting a few away”, said Eddie. “But when she knocked back her 15th pint of ‘Butterbeer’, which was basically Vermouth, Lurpak and Baileys, I knew there was something magical about her.”

Rowling became the first outsider to complete the notorious ‘top shelf challenge’, which includes whisky, eye wash and brake fluid. “Then she treated the whole pub to a round of ‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Flaming Sambuca'”, said Eddie. “I really admired her, even though she insisted on calling me ‘Hagrid’.”

With her mastery of tricks, Rowling soon had the pub regulars eating out of her hand, licking tequila from her toes and even snorting vodka from her navel. “She did this amazing thing at one point where she completely disappeared”, said Eddie. “We knew right away that she must’ve got an invisibility cloak or something.”

“Then she reappeared from behind a table, as if by magic. The only clue to how she’d done it was some sick all down her shirt.”

Although not her usual style, all who’ve dipped into the bar tab say they thoroughly enjoyed it.

“She’s won nearly all of us over, apart from the odd muggle who insists on lemonade”, said Mick Clarkson. “I drank so much, I started seeing house elves.”

“Rowling has a great sense of fun, she even chuckled when I whipped my wand out. I for one can’t wait for the sequel.”

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