GCSE exams to be graded using ‘smileys’ :(

After much debate over the future grading of GCSEs, the decision has been taken to move the marks into the 21st century. Scrapping the old A* to G system, and ignoring the 8 to 1 grading that has recently been proposed, Education Secretary, Michael Gove, has announced exams will now by marked using the Smiley Grading System.

With grades going from 😀 at the top end, down to 🙁 for those who have done less well, the visual representation will be easier for future employers to understand, and also gives a gentle way of informing less bright kids that they have proven themselves to be a bit thick.

“Numeracy and literacy levels have declined over the last 20 years so keeping a grading system that relies on the alphabet or an ability to count seems outdated” Mr Gove said. “Children today need to understand their marks better. Using SGS, a system they already apply to grade their mood on a Facebook status, seems to be the obvious solution.”

Other marks in the SGS include at the higher end :), :|, 😕 and go down to 😯 , 😳 and 😥 . This has also opened up the opportunity for children to be notified of their life-changing results by amusing, colourful text messages.

Critics of the plans have said this is yet another example of the ‘dumbing down’ of the education system, and shows the embarrassing spectacle of a minister trying to be ‘modern’ and in touch’ with the people.

A spokesperson for the Nation Union of Teachers said ‘similar to the way David Cameron mis-using LOL showed he knew nothing about modern abbreviations, changing the grading of GCSEs shows Mr Gove knows nothing about education.”