Perfect version of original Star Wars trilogy to be released: all dialogue cut.

Talk shit, I do.

Talk shit, I do.

George Lucas the creator of Star Wars has announced that he is releasing yet another DVD version of the first trilogy of films only this time with all the dialogue cut.

“As I looked them over one more time to see what ropey cgi I could add I was struck by a fatal weakness in all three movies that I’d never noticed before,” he said. “And it’s the dialogue. Thirty-six years after A New Hope was shot I finally released that every word in the script was utter bobbins and that that trend continued right the way through to The Empire Strikes Back then Return of the Jedi.

Naomi Adams co-owner of Harold’s geek shop Dungeons & More Dungeons and self-proclaimed Star Wars über-fan is delighted by the change.

“I love these films for their brilliant aesthetics and the special effects but the script is kak. Now at long last it’ll be possible to enjoy what makes Star Wars great and not be distracted by dialogue that clunks more than man with a wooden leg.”

The first three Star Wars films have been released several times on various formats and each time Lucas has made changes from relatively minor sound alterations to the inclusion of a computer generated version of Jabba the Hutt that’s about as convincing as a senior politician talking about their love of football and recent chart hits. However all most fans want is the chance to buy the original theatrically released versions in anamorphic widescreen.

When asked if that was ever going to happen Lucas let out a manic sounding cackle before saying. “Noooooo, tricksy fans. Originals is for Georgie. Originals is my precious.” Before remembering that that was a different blockbuster franchise and sheepishly creeping away.

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