Fight Club closes due to lack of publicity

fight_clubAn underground Fight Club has closed after being unable to attract new members due to overly restrictive publicity rules. Fight Club founder Dominic Delaney said, with the benefit of hindsight, the club which operated from the basement of the Squirrel Licker’s Arms should have been a bit more open.

“The first rule of Fight Club was – you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club was – you do not talk about Fight Club. In fact rules 3 through 10 were – you do not talk about Fight Club. No wonder hardly anyone turned up.”

Mr Delaney, who was able to talk openly as the club’s closure meant he was no longer bound by the strict secrecy rules, said that at its height, Fight Club had six members who regularly turned up to the Squirrel Licker’s basement to beat the living shit out of each other, and share gardening tips.

“If those 6 members had told two friends, and all those friends told two friends, and so on, we could have had upwards of 50 members” said Delaney. “A few plugs by Eddie at the bar, and some flyers down at the local chippie, and they would have been beating down the door to join – especially if we had a dedicated Facebook page and Twitter account.”

Squirrel Licker’s publican Eddie Grudgingly said he wasn’t so sure the secrecy rules were to blame for Fight Club’s demise.

“Even if you couldn’t talk about Fight Club, there was still the nod and the wink and the secret handshake. If you ask me, Delaney was happy that the only two members were Councillor Ronsson and himself. I saw what they got up to when I went down to change the barrels and I’d rather not talk about it, rules or no rules.”

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