NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
According to a statement from the World Health Organisation, the latest strain of the fast-spreading coronavirus can be passed from person to person in close contact, meaning NO NO NO WE’RE ALL DEAD OH GOD NO PLEASE.
The organisation’s latest advice comes after several people in Saudi Arabia died from the virus, followed by a second man in France contracting it from human-to-human transmission OH JESUS IT’S GETTING CLOSER – FRANCE IS ALMOST HERE AND THERE’S A CHANNEL TUNNEL NOW OH GOD WHY DID WE BUILD IT WE’RE ALL DOOMED!
NCoV is known to cause pneumonia and kidney failure AND PROBABLY YOUR BRAIN TURNS TO MUSHY GOO AND STINKING MUSHROOMS COVER YOUR WHOLE BODY OH CHRIST I DON’T WANT TO DIE!
The latest case in France appears to have resulted from a man sharing a hospital ward with an older patient who had fallen ill after returning from Dubai, BLOODY HELL, IT’S IN THE AIR! I CAN’T BREATHE THE AIR, IT’S POISON, THE SPORES ARE IN THE AIR SWEET JESUS CHRIST! HUGE SCABS EVERYWHERE, GOD NO!
In February, a patient died in in Birmingham, England, after several members of the same family became infected – It is thought a family member had picked up the virus while travelling to the Middle East, WHAAAAT?!?!? IT’S HERE, IT’S HERE! SEAL THE BORDERS – DON’T LET ANYONE IN! SHOOT DOWN THE PLANES! KEEP OUT! KEEP OUT!!!
Scientists from WHO stress that there is little risk to the general population, provided normal good hygiene practices are followed. DON’T BELIEVE THEM! QUICK KIDS, INTO THE BUNKER! KILL ANYONE WHO TRIES TO GET IN! BLOOD! BLOOD!!! BLOOD!!!!!
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