Teachers told to not use pupil’s blood for marking homework in case it upsets them

blood1In yet another example of correctional politicalness gone wild, a school has barred its teachers from marking children’s homework using pupil’s blood. Apparently the molly-coddling move is aimed at preventing hurting students’ feelings, and stopping them bleeding to death.

The MP for Harold, Spencer Chadwick, took his concerns to Parliament after a local teacher approached him saying her secondary school had suddenly banned staff using pupil’s blood.

“Apparently it is all about not wanting to discourage youngsters if their work is marked wrong” fumed Mr Chadwick.

“But children need to understand the difference between what’s right and what’s wrong, and what better way to do that than use a vial of a pupil’s own blood to scrawl over every misplaced apostrophe. It’s polectional correticalness gone mad.”

Mr Chadwick, who had 6 fingers cut off as a child for mistaken use of there / they’re, said teachers were much tougher on pupils in his day, and it never did him any harm, apart from the lack of digits restricting his career choice to MP.

Education Minister Elizabeth Truss responded by saying that the Education Department does not issue guidelines which prohibit or discourage the use of pupils’ blood for marking schoolwork.

“In saying that, we generally prefer to cut the teachers rather than the pupils.”

Predictably, older villagers in Harold share Mr Chadwick’s lather inducing, righteous indignation at the “no blood” edict, but somewhat surprisingly, students of the Shining Future Academy and IT Achievement Haven (formerly Harold Comprehensive) were also against the blood ban.

“Knowing that my mistakes would be highlighted in my own blood sure made my concentrate better” said Becky Clarkson, 15. “Plus I learnt heaps about the spread of Hep C and AIDS.”

Becky’s father Councillor Ron Clarkson said the whole furore made his blood boil, “It’s collectical poprictalness gone wild”.

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