Bank ups security as ramblers allowed to use ‘ancient pathway’ through vault

Bank claims 'They're walking all over us'

Bank claims ‘They’re walking all over us’

Local walkers have won a landmark case today and restored the right to use an ancient pathway. The route, which probably dates back to Roman times, goes from the high street, into the bank, through its vault and back out into the countryside, cutting out the need to walk around the building.

The ‘Rambling Association of Harold (RAH) – not to be mistaken for Rambler’s Anonymous, who meet every week to talk each other to death whilst wearing masks – has welcomed the decision. Doug Walker, the Head of RAH told us “this ruling is the biggest victory for ramblers since vehicles were banned from Harold’s by-pass.”

“The opening up of the high security vault saves us approximately 23.56 seconds in rambling time compared to walking around the building. That may sound a bit anal to you, but in that time tea cools down by 0.03 degrees in even the best Thermos flask. That could be the difference between life and tepid tea.”

The bank have reluctantly accepted the judgement and security has been tightened up at the bank to help protect the vault’s contents, but bank manager Noel Clarke has described the decision as ‘ludicrous’. He believes that banks’ reputations mean the courts are allowing people to ‘walk all over them’.

However he said the bank had one small victory in court, blocking the Harold half marathon using the route. “We know people dressed up as hippos and jogging 13 miles may seem like fun, but you only have to look at Cyprus to see the dangers of a run on the bank”

The bank reports that so far the increase in security has stopped anything from the vault going missing, but have complained about the mess left behind. “They’ve even put a huge pile of hay to sit on for lunch right next to our gold reserves,” Mr Clarke said. “Removing it is so expensive we’ve had to ask Government to help us get a bale out”.

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