Controversy as local soccer team names Benito Mussolini as new manager


No left-wingers

In a move likely to raise eyebrows among their grass-roots socialist supporters, local football club Harold Thursday have made the surprising choice of Benito Mussolini as their new manager.

It was well-known that the team desperately needed a new “big name” coach, but the choice of the former fascist leader of Italy is a surprising one nonetheless, given his lack of recent English soccer experience and death in 1945.

Harold’s Thursday’s most famous supporter and shareholder, Councillor Bland, has said this appointment has left him with no option but to step away from the club.

“I’ve been in the position of taking my share of over-priced tickets, food, and some brown-envelope deals from Thursday for over a decade” he told us. “But I cannot stand by and support a man with such obviously dubious morals”.

In an attempt to show the ‘friendlier’ side of Mr Mussolini, the players and coaches have held an open practice session. One club official commented that you could ‘say what you like about fascism, but at least the training runs on time’.

Tactically the team seem to have been set up as before with a heavy reliance on the offside trap. However concerns have been voiced about the new 45 degree angle and flat palm-down nature of the raised hand used to appeal for the decision.

Harold Thursday’s first game under their new man will be in 2 weeks time, after a friendly against a New Zealand team scheduled for Saturday was cancelled.

A club press officer explained “Unfortunately we only learned after we cancelled that it’s the rugby team, not their football one, who are the ‘All Blacks’.”

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