Harold Easter egg hunt ends in cabbage carnage chaos

They don't grow on trees

They don’t grow on trees

The traditional Harold Easter Sunday egg hunt has been proclaimed a ‘resounding success’ this year after only three toddlers were hospitalised and just one marriage ended abruptly.

Villagers young and old gathered on the village green early to begin the annual hunt; each eager to take home the largest number of eggs, and despite the actions of the animal rights activists, the mood was excitingly competitive.

Things started well with participants armed with baskets, buckets and tractor-trailers heading out following the cryptic clues and maps, which have been handed down through the generations of Haroldians.

An early leader was Mick Clarkson of Clarkson’s Cars who raced to find four of the eggs, and causing two of the three trips to A&E, however he was stopped in his tracks when a local farmer who we cannot name for legal reasons filled Mick’s car with slurry.

Soon several villagers were neck and neck but things took an ugly turn after an egg was spotted tucked into the bronze folds of our founding father’s towel.

Scaling the statue of Sir Andrew Page, one father threw his toddler onto the statue’s shoulders to retrieve the egg, resulting in the third hospitalisation.

The route then took the hunters into the fields surrounding the village where unfortunately, a full field of cabbages, destined for the kitchens of both the local nursing home and the primary school, were decimated by the antics of certain villagers.

“The use of combine harvesters, tractors and quad-bikes has been against the rules since time immemorial,” said the Mayor “and this rampant destruction demonstrates exactly why.  It’s time we returned to the grass-roots of this tradition and conduct the hunt entirely on foot.  While I acknowledge that the rules still allow for the use of dragons, I’m sure that the HSE of the Local Authority would frown upon it, what with dragons being an endangered species in the area, and the use of imported Welsh and Chinese dragons should be legislated against as a matter of urgency.”

The hunt came to an early conclusion after the young couple from Towcester who recently bought old Mrs Applegate’s cottage suffered an explosive marital breakdown following his decision to help the lovely new teacher from the Primary to scale a fence, as her short skirt wouldn’t allow her to swing her leg over unaided.

This hunt has been hailed a great improvement upon those of the previous two years, which saw a total of twenty-seven injuries dealt with by the local hospital, and resulted in several weeks of bitter recriminations in the divorce courts.

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