High price of village drugs blamed on ‘big farmer’


Never read the label

The villagers of Harold are facing a squeeze, as the price of shallow gene-pool suppression drugs continues to climb.

With unwebbed toes and bald foreheads taken for granted these days, the soaring cost of Sameancestins is troubling locals.

The powerful drug isn’t recognised by NICE, who ignorantly dismissed it as ‘pond water with food dye in’. That leaves the supplier of Sameancestin with an effective monopoly, the prices controlled by the shadowy ‘Big Farmer’.

At 6’ 9” Phil Evans is a colossal farm-hand, who sells the drug through a stall on the market. With so many in the village unsure exactly who they’re related to, they feel taking the farmerceutical is less a choice than an absolute necessity.

Although no-one is yet showing any symptoms at all, the fear of monobrows is ever-present. Everyone knows the big farmer’s a bastard, and accusatory thumbs are now pointing his way.

“I’m worried that Phil is ripping me off”, said one anonymous member of the Crossley household. “I’d have expected more from someone who is probably family.”

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