The device can also warm a brown finger roll.
Harold teenager and would-be entrepreneur seventeen year old Simon Delaney is today facing a lengthy legal battle with the Chinese government over his new invention: a toasted sandwich maker that doubles as a sex toy.
“I read a thing about a bloke who had to call the fire brigade when he got his Rasputin stuck in his toaster and I thought, why would you shag a toaster? Then I after a while I thought, why wouldn’t you? So I designed the perfect machine,” said Delaney. “Only I made it a toasted sandwich maker so you can have a bacon and cheese toastie afterwards or maybe even during. Everything’s better with bacon.” Continue reading
Taking no chances. The don’t see food diet
As notorious child killer Ian Brady finally reveals how he keeps his wraith-like figure despite being on hunger strike for 14 years, self-absorbed socialites are adopting his diet.
Buoyed by the news that ‘food doesn’t count if you eat it in secret’, many are finding that the Brady Hunger Strike Diet is surprisingly easy to stick to.
Villagers from Harold’s new unaffordable homes development have adopted a range of decorative nasal feeding tubes, while pretending that they ‘basically never eat’. Any weight gain can be blamed on food being hosed up their nose by the government, rather than on the mountain of toast and soup that they stuff down in the dark.
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