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Thatcher supporters propose giant pyramid to last a hundred thousand years


Erection in her honour

Supporters of the deceased ex-Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher have proposed the erection in her honour of a mile-high memorial pyramid, visible from space, made from pure gold and shining with the light of a thousand suns.

“We’d originally planned a library,” explained former Conservative chairman Lord Tebbit, but that felt a bit rubbish and prone to closure, and one thing sort of led to another.”

The newly-formed “Cherish Freedom Trust” has announced that it wants the pyramid, which will be based in, and cover most of, central London, “to bring Margaret Thatcher’s legacy, values and achievements to life for the wider public, and to be a true heritage resource where schoolchildren, historians and millions of ant-like insignificant specs of humanity can come and pitifully kneel and ideally keep the structure well-cleaned with their tongues.”

Arguments are raging over the choice of design, with possible plans including a gargantuan handbag, a colossal glinting phallus, or a pyramid.

Suggestions that the mighty edifice could be paid for out of the huge tax cuts recently gifted to Britain’s elite were dismissed as “expensive” by corrupt tax-avoiding bastards this morning. Instead, the original Egyptian construction model is looking favourite, in which the revolutionary use of rollers meant that mighty blocks of stone could be moved by ordinary workers without undue cost. The entirety of Britain’s walking unemployed are to be given the mandatory opportunity to gain valuable work experience through unpaid ‘apprenticeships’ pulling ropes, while the stubborn disabled whom even ATOS are unable to make stand up are to provide valuable service as the rollers.

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Filed under Dating, Golden Showers, Politics

BREAKING NEWS: Graham Norton arrested naked in High Street


Disgusting Graham Norton wasn’t this one

49-year-old Irish television presenter Graham Norton, host of comedy chat show The Graham Norton Show, shares his name with a man arrested naked in Harold village’s High Street this morning, it has emerged.

Norton, who took over the prestigious Friday night slot on BBC One from Jonathan Ross in 2010, is not the same man as the Harold local who police detained today for performing a lurid dance routine on the steps of the Boer War memorial, naked apart from Wellington boots and a Phillips screwdriver.

Openly gay Norton, who is known for his camp demeanour, innuendo-laden dialogue and flamboyant presentation style, has nothing in common with the local man (who has been detained for further questioning) other than the shared name, which is a total coincidence.

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Filed under Around Harold, Golden Showers, International News