All smiles now, he was probably just overtired
Yaya Toure has ended speculation over his future by confirming that he will stay at Manchester City after the club apologised for not adequately acknowledging his birthday, took him to Disney World and bought him a balloon.
The current African footballer of the year had fuelled speculation that he may leave after a row over the club’s owners ignoring his birthday, but after Manuel Pellegrini cut short his own holiday to take Toure to Orlando all seems to have been forgiven. Continue reading
“Spare change? Sorry mate, no.”
Chelsea fans have called for the sacking of Roman Abramovich, after a string of poor performances in the Sunday Times UK Super-Rich list.
“It’s got harder holding our heads high at the Bridge, since he dropped down the ‘How much?’ rankings,” complained fan Roger Brendan. Continue reading
Everybody clap your hands. Now sliiiiiiiiiiide!
Gangnam Style, the Harlem Shake and Twerking have all had their day and now the latest dance craze is set to be the Manchester United dance, made up almost entirely of backwards steps.
“This is already sweeping the UK, proving especially popular in Liverpool and certain parts of Manchester with a sky blue colour theme. Given Manchester United’s global appeal I would expect it to be seen on dance floors around the world within the next few months.” said David Moyes, the man credited as being the inspiration behind the first viral dance craze of 2014. Continue reading
In a major U-turn, Football Association chief David Bernstein has agreed that Margaret Thatcher will be honoured with a minute’s violence at this weekend’s FA Cup semi-finals at Wembley Stadium. The fact that both matches are North – South encounters only adds to their poignancy.
Chelsea hard man John Terry welcomed the chance to honour Thatcher, and said he hoped to do a two-footed challenge on Manchester City’s James Milner.
“There are no guarantees, but if I get the timing right, I could end his career” said Terry. “Another Northerner on the scrapheap would be just what Maggie wanted.”
“If I can steal milk from a small child at half-time, it will be even better.”