A local scientist has been hailed as a genius, after successfully paralysing a monkey under laboratory conditions.
Using just a computer, some needles and a powerful hammer, Dr Kyle Hostage was able to extract the ability to move from a series of primates.
“Ever since we discovered how closely related we are to these creatures, man has dreamed of being able to disable them”, said Dr Hostage.
Dr Hostage had experimented with a range of techniques, including daytime television, crisps and quite heavy hats. “But still I was unable to rob them of movement”, he admitted.