PC Flegg has revealed that her investigations into Harold’s deadly aquarium have found the reason why so few fish survived in the new exhibit. Working with local fish expert Stephen Trawlerman and some tip-offs from Facebook, the culprit can finally be revealed.
“Asking Trawlerman to help proved to be a mistake”, said Flegg. “His experience with fish proved to be of little help.” Trawlerman is well known as the owner of local chip shop ‘The Stephen Fryer’, but Flegg admits resident marine biologist Simon Parsons might have been a better advisor.
After extensive laboratory tests and thorough phorensic investigations, the breakthrough came from Lynda Mulrooney. Thanks to her ‘back-to-basics’ approach, the reason for the fish deaths was a complete absence of water.
“We’ve filled the tanks with sparkling Evian now, nothing is too good for a fish living in Harold”, said Flegg.
“Although in hindsight, looking after exotic animals might be beyond that idot Trawlerman. We’re currently trying to undrown his pet iguana.”
Congratulations, Lynda Mulrooney! You are Harold’s No.1 Top Detective! A binful of rotting fish is winging its way to you, so you might want to pretend to be out.
Can you help balance the scales of justice?
A new village aquarium is already facing closure, after the majority of its exhibits were found dead.
Built with money from a European grant to put ‘a big fish tank in every community’, Harold’s ‘See Sealife’ Centre was intended to be the jewel in the parish council’s crown. But just hours after opening, fish of all sizes were found to be ‘lifeless and somewhat pungent’, and PC Flegg suspects there could be foul play at work.
US politicians are urgently seeking assurances from Google that its new ‘smart underpants’ will respect personal privacy. The underpants, codenamed “Google Ass”, appear similar to traditional underwear, but contain a ‘heads-up’ display with camera and microphone, which sit snugly on the wearer’s right testicle (most users are believed to be male).
A letter signed by members of the Congressional privacy caucus has been sent to Google posing several questions about the data the gadget will collect from users, and concerns were also raised about the privacy implications of having a camera strapped permanently to one’s cock. The caucus has quizzed many tech companies in the past on what they do with the information they gather from users’ genitals, and famously reprimanded Sony for not making it clear to customers that the new “Buttman” music player included DRM which meant once inserted, it could only be removed in-store, causing much embarrassment to shoppers.