Disgraced omni-dubious former Secretary of State for Defence Liam Fox has called for a return to days of Thatcherite values when more casual regulation meant people like him could stick their sweaty noses into the trough unopposed.
Fox, seen as a standard-bearer of the Tory right, will call for the party to fight the next general election on a radical platform of tax cuts, privatisation and deregulation from people like himself, who spunk public money on their old mates who live with them in rent-free orgiastic luxury.
“What this country needs to get back on its feet is a total absence of regulations preventing Ministers from giving Britain’s money to old male chums, when said chums have no government role whatsoever,” Fox explained. “Old being a relative term of course, for close buddies who are 17 years younger than oneself, and enjoy sharing a pig’s trotter stuffed with lark’s vomit. The very real risk that such behaviour could have almost landed one with a custodial sentence is acting as a brake on investment, and could significantly impact my retirement plans.”