While scientists are over the moon with their discovery of a water lake on Mars, residents of North West England have expressed disappointment that their hosepipe ban will not be cancelled.
“Water on Mars isn’t really going to help with the regional water shortage,” said a spokesman for United Utilities.
“Our job is to manage the water here in Lancashire and we’re not very good at that, so you can’t honestly think, as some have suggested, that we may as well try to run a pipeline from Mars. Not without a feasibility study anyway.”
“It’s really amazing NASA can send a rocket all that way and find water on Mars,” said a resident of Wigan. “United Utilities can’t find any round here.”
“How did it get to Mars?” a man from Burnley asked. “Was it the Russians?”
Labour MP for Preston Mark Hendrick blames Thatcher’s privatisation policy for the water shortage.
“Yes, there’s the dry weather too,” he said, “but look at all the holes in the pipe-work, there’s 4,000 in Blackburn alone, I’ve heard. It’s still a puzzle how it found its way to Mars though.”
Many hosepipe users however remain optimistic water will soon return to the region after Elon Musk came up with the suggestion of building a huge inflatable pipe.