PM ‘calmer’ after Putin sends a smiley

World War Three is back on hold after Putin put a smiley face on Mrs May’s newsfeed.

“The Prime Minister acknowledged that the smiley was a very sweet gesture in response to her earlier full-on rant in Parliament,” said a Downing Street spokesperson.

“There’s no doubt Putin misbehaved and Mrs May was fully within her rights to threaten him with the naughty step. But she was totally disarmed when the happy face popped up on her phone.”

Mrs May had spent all afternoon at the Dispatch Box, talking in her best head girl voice about how serious everything is.

“It feels like I’m in a movie,” she said over dinner. “I keep pinching myself. It’s all very Churchillian.”

Putin was at a vegetable exhibition when a BBC reporter told him Mrs May had found out he had done a spy poisoning and she was going to have his guts for garters.

“Oh look,” replied Putin, “a cauliflower that bears an uncanny resemblance to Boris Johnson.”

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