With funding for expanding driverless car use in the budget, Philip Hammond says the Tories have already piloted the idea, using entirely rudderless government.
“It uses very much the same principles.” said the Chancellor, dancing around and waving a torch so as to be seen “You swap a human driver, who is susceptible to being distracted by thoughts, feelings, and suchlike, for an emotionless robot making choices on information pre-installed in a think tank.”
“We’re always developing new ideas.” said Hammond “For instance, Theresa is thinking of using a cardboard cut-out driver, although she’ll need to give it less depth somehow, to match up with the original.”
“Boris has perfected back seat driving over many years and now the wound in his back has healed, he and Michael are trialling a multiple driver setup. Not sure how long that will work if they ever get near the steering wheel. We might need a knife amnesty”.