Sarlacc pit to replace prisons as Tories deny reckless underfunding

Still less bleak looking than HMP Dartmoor

The government has come under fire for for cutting almost all funding to the prison system and opting to chuck prisoners into a sarlacc pit instead.

“There is no magic money tree (Northern Ireland excepted; terms and conditions apply),” said Secretary of State for Justice David Lidlington. “Following a long consultation with distinguished statesbeasat Jabba the Hutt we’ve decided to stop all that duty of care this and reform that nonsense and simply hoof prisoners off a cliff and into a huge creature’s gaping maw.”

“There’s nothing reckless about it. We know exactly what the consequences of this will be and are looking forward to an increased share of the vote from Daily Mail readers.”

Leave a Comment

Filed under News