Bored of slowly making life worse for everyone but themselves the government has decided to lighten the mood and ruin the country completely over the next few days in order to surprise Theresa May when she returns from Italy.
“Office pranks are cheap, fun way of letting off steam,” said Philip Hammond. “Our first thought for a jape was to cover the PM’s desk in post-it notes and replace her screensaver with a picture of Justin Bieber but then we thought it would be more fun to really go for it.”
“Everything’s pretty much buggered already,” he said. “But with a bit of effort this week we can tip it all over the edge and when Theresa gets back there’ll just be a crater and note saying that we still owe the EU billions for Brexit. Imagine the look on her face! Classic!”
Further pranks planned by the government include hiding behind the sofa and pretending to be out when Donald Trump arrives and ruthlessly pursuing an unhinged agenda of selfishness and persecution of the vulnerable in order to appease the right-wing of their party and the Daily Mail.