Walking evidence that a man with a stash of secret photographs hidden in a safety deposit box can keep his job whatever he does, Jeremy Hunt, says record figures revealed in a new report prove his NHS reforms are on track.
“It’s taken me some time to pull things round but the figures don’t lie.” announced a smiling and relaxed Health Secretary.”No, I won’t stop. Get off, I’m the minister!” he shouted, shrugging off a group of officials who were trying to usher him away from the cameras.
“Right then. let’s get started” said Mr Hunt consulting a clipboard “Cancer targets? Up. A&E targets? Up. Routine operation targets? Up!”
These figures aren’t accidents, they only come as a result of seven years of strong, stable Conservative control, much of it my own watch, even if I do say so myself.”
A determined senior official then sidled up to the minister, muttered a few words and turned the clipboard around. “Wait … they’re waiting list targets? What are you saying? These numbers aren’t good news then?”
“Why did nobody tell me?” he sobbed “Everyone will think I’m a dick.”