Trump said the US was being threatened on all sides by reasoned, well set out arguments and the time had come to fight back.
“We can’t fight reasoned arguments just relying on alternative facts alone, right?” said Trump.
“Just one lone liberal Muslim sympathiser pointing out my travel ban didn’t include the Saudis and we have a problem. Conventional reasoning’s no help – we need to respond with AGGRESSIVE PUNCTUATION! We need CAPITAL LETTERS and lots of EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!” exclaimed Trump.
President Trump castigated his predecessor Barack Obama for letting the US supply of aggressive punctuation get so low.
“That guy. Too busy focusing on affordable healthcare while ISIS accumulated FOUR capital letters! TERRIBLE!”
Trump said his huge build up of exclamation marks and capital letters should ensure America stays safe from logical tyranny but he refused to rule out using the nuclear option of a misplaced apostrophe to really terrorise particularly annoying liberals.