Donald Trump has caused further international confusion this morning by taking to Twitter to condemn “Yuge, bad illegal immigrant-led terror attack in Kingdom of Lancre. Really terrible. Sad. Mainstream (fake) news not covering story. Again!”
We sent King Verence II of Lancre a clacks asking him about crime and security in his tiny mountainous country and received the following reply: “No terror attacks stop. Beastiality Carter in distress stop Cause dodgy scumble not bomb stop Big Jim Beef has day off so borders closed stop No police stop No crime stop Anyone gets out of line Granny Weatherwax extremely polite to them until they stop”
President Trump began to tweet a robust defence saying that he’d was referring to a report on Fox News though no one else recalls seeing it but then he appeared to become distracted and at the time of writing is tweeting about his “really great, really terrific” close friend Her Imperial Majesty, Jadis, Queen of Narnia known more popularly in the media as the White Witch and claiming she’s been attacked by four small, posh illegals armed with a massive Islamic lion.
More details when and if they exist.