“It’s frickin’ ridiculous, I finally develop a foolproof plan to take over the world and I can’t even get a ransom of ten thousand dollars let alone one million” said Dr Evil. “People just smile at me and say ‘better the Dr Evil you know’, and ask if I’ll pose for a photo with them.”
“I thought I’d assembled the most ruthless henchman in history, and then Trump comes along with Steve Bannon, Reince Preibus, and co. If only I’d watched Fox News and read Breitbart I could have hired these guys first, though of course then I’d have had to watch Fox News and read Breitbart.”
“And how was I to know about Mike Pence’s potential as a truly evil right-hand man when I hadn’t even heard of conversion therapy?” wailed Dr Evil.
Even Dr Evil’s antagonists agree he’s a better option than Trump.
“Dr Evil and I have had our differences but for all his evil plans he’s intelligent, courteous, and doesn’t automatically assume all Muslims are terrorists and Mexicans are criminals” said Austin Powers.
“He’s self assured enough to not cover up his lack of hair, plus as far as I’m aware, the only pussy Dr Evil has ever stroked is Mr Bigglesworth.”