The something nasty in the nation’s woodshed, Nigel Farage, has united people across the political spectrum by being deeply unpleasant.
“The world seems more violent and confusing than ever,” said parish councillor, Nina O’Neill. “Thanks then to Nigel Farage for being entirely vile and bringing us all together with a rallying cry of ‘hark at this arsehole, can you believe what he’s just said?’”
“There are big and terrifying problems that need to be addressed across the globe,” said Harold’s mayor Rufus D. Jackson. “Happily today we can ignore them and spend our time being aghast at the audacity of Nigel Farage while newspapers gratefully turn away from serious things and bang out a load of clickbait on what one man has said to another.”
“Between Nigel Farage and Donald Trump’s tweeting we’ve all been thoroughly distracted and can simply all yell ‘boo’ or ‘hooray’ at each other across social media,” he said. “Well done to Nigel and to Donald for reducing a horrific event to a panto. It’s both relaxing and apt for this time of year, cheers for that.”
Distraction fans are now pinning their hopes on Boris Johnson saying something and Jeremy Corbyn saying anything so that reality may be avoided for a bit longer.