The National Union of Students at the University of Dunstable is intensifying its campaign for a dedicated safe space for students to avoid the trauma of being deemed naughty or nice by Father Christmas.
“An old, white cisgendered man is not judging me!” screamed NUS Welfare Officer Hattie McConnell. “I’ll define however I want. I’m a strong independent person which is why I demand my university provide me with a large comfy room to hide from Father Christmas in and a trigger warning before anyone sings Little Donkey!”
“By refusing to give us a safe space and no-platform Rudolph this university is allowing oppression and discrimination the freedom to ruin lives!” howled NUS Education Officer Abdi Nur. “Naughty and nice are both intensely problematic labels which cause huge damage to students’ self-esteem and prevent them from learning effectively!”
“We want all our demands met immediately and any member of the university staff who questions them to be dismissed. And don’t get us started on Father Christmas’ so-called elves!”
As he spoke it began to snow and everyone was struck by just how very special the snowflakes were.