Grayling: “Knocking over a cyclist is a metaphor for my political credo.”

Now f**k off and keep your mouth shut

Chris Grayling, compared to whom even his awful predecessor Norman Tebbit seems benign, says flattening a cyclist, as videod by another cyclist, is a metaphor for his wider political beliefs.

“The most vulnerable in society always deserve special attention.” said Grayling, cracking his knuckles “So, as soon as an arsehole on a bike drew alongside my Limo in a traffic jam, whallop, I doored him. That’s what I call special attention!”

Fresh from making a complete pig’s breakfast of privatising the Probation Service, as emerged earlier this week, Grayling is now keen to put his own stamp on his job as Transport Minister and sees opening a car door into a cyclist and then jumping up and down on him as a good first step.

Insisting he knew nothing about the particular cyclist, Jaiqi Liu, before twatting him Grayling said “No, the fact that he had a foreign-sounding name was just a nice bonus”.

Gareth Child from Harold, who was visiting Westminster and saw the incident, said “It’s always pleasing to see politicians actually connecting with ordinary people for a change.”